i miss you kate

i miss you so much

i wanna put a spell on

you

i thought we would be

forever

i thought we would be

the end....

but your young stud

has a say

and god your heart

will hurt

god it will hurt

when he pushes you away

but its ok

ill be here

im already waiting

cause ive loved you

from the first day

demons

So I'm gonna do this thing

this thing you see

and when I do

You're gonna come back to me

You wont have a choice

Ive made that for you

well I didnt

hahaha

My demon has

Dont hate me

Its for the best

Its what we both want

come home to me

maybe youll be there

This is an open letter in the form of how i know to do it best, i guess things have a strange way of working out..

I wanted to be your everything
for a good while 
I was
I fulfilled all those needs 
that you so desperately wanted
and our intimate times
were things I can never forget

how could I?

Nothing was more perfect then when
we were entwined together
in a perfect embrace
like lovers who hadn't seen each other in years
and yet
it had only been a few hours

I never wanted that to change
I never wanted that to be something else
I always wanted that embrace to be 
the thing i yearned for
and I guess it ended up being
just that
cause now
All i can think about is having your 
thighs wrap around my waist
and listen to you whisper
how much
you loved me

Im sorry I forgot my place
Im sorry I forgot what I had
GOD
I am so sorry

I honestly belive you will die
and never understand
how sorry I really am

cause now you wont
give me a chance
not even an iota of a word
little young boy
is your world
and i get it
he's giving you everything i didnt
but is it as good as it was when
i was?

is it as perfect as when we 
were perfect?

Im sorry
God Im sorry
and I miss you


I cant even write decent poetry at the moment because Im so consumed with how much i miss you...

I just want to go to sleep and hope I get to see you there...

supposed to be

These hours go by
day by day
and parts of me die
every day
different ones
look at these bloodshot eyes
look at this plea for sleep

I thought you would come back
at least in my dreams
I thought i could hold you again
feel your thighs press against my legs
as the covers enfolded us
and you stole more than your share
but even there
its not how its supposed to be

I wanted this time to be different
and i swear if i could take 
this knife you stuck in my back
out and forget all that has transpired
I would forgive you
I would say it was what it was
and I would move on
just as long as you were there
and you 
put on that pretty lipstick
you would sometimes wear
and I would get it all over 

For all the times
I thought you wouldnt ruin me
I should have steeled myself
cause you have done just that
and now im ruined
like a broken umbrella
in the middle
of a rainstorm

I'm nothing now
thrown away
forgotten
but am I?

Is it a lie i tell myself?
am i the greatest story teller
ever born
or are you secretly thinking of me
when his embrace just isnt enough
when his kiss just doesnt do the trick
cause darling
I always kissed you like 
you were the last girl in the world
and to me
oh god to me
you were
and now i miss kissing those lips
should i be sorry for what I done

Im sorry for not giving you 
all that you needed
but you never 
helped me
you never told me
darling you will lose me

and now this little boy
is replacing the man
I was supposed to be

I was supposed to be
I was supposed to be
your
everything...

one more go

I don't know how to explain
can a doctor tell you
just how i feel?
can someone inform you
how broken i've become?

I spend my days trying to not think
trying to not even sleep
cause Im scared you wont even come home
when I close my eyes

those are the worst nights
when i watch you with him
in the middle of my dreams
and its likes
my mind is poisoned with
all the love I
guess
I didnt give to you

and I hate myself now
I Hate myself now

I thought we would die together
but I will die alone
I will die alone

and youre gonna
die in somebody else's arms
and now I just have
to be ok
with that

I can't
I can barely think of you
without breaking down

I'd do anything to give it another chance
anything

to try again

I heard your name

 Here i am again
another night i was reminded
of you from someone else
and each time
it hurts more and more
To think that youre
in his arms
is to think that
there is no meaning to life

why do i hurt like this?
why does it cause so much regression
when someone else knows you
or your name
or that we were once

this hurts the most

that we were once something
and no its over

and you have
him

he wont last
you know this
but you also know
we should have
been so much more