My...

My brain is broke

My heart...

I cannot tell you how my heart
feels

It has never felt this way before

Broken is not a word
destroyed is not a notion
decimated is not a feeling

alone...

and sorry..

sorry for a thousand nights and

forever now....

Yeah..

Your beauty was lost on

me

I was wrong for not

seeing all you were

and now

I am left without

because

I was not a good enough man

No matter how many

tables I turn now

My sorry

will never be enough.. 

Once more

It is not your lips
that I strive to
feel again
It is your heart
that I beg
To touch once
again
It is not your
love that I wish was
once mine again
It is your everything

that I can never
ever
have
once more...

blergh

im dying
without you

and yet you
still keep shoving
your non desire
for me

in my face

so i hope i
die tonight
i hope i
dont wake up

thanks.
for not

coming back.

Sigh

If
 We
  Could
   Talk
    Would
     You
       Even
        Say

Hello?

Happy 96th Birthday Buk...

The Retreat


this time has finished me.
I feel like the German troops
whipped by snow and the communists
walking bent
with newspapers stuffed into
worn boots.
my plight is just as terrible.
maybe more so.
victory was so close
victory was there.
as she stood before my mirror
younger and more beautiful than
any woman I had ever known
combing yards and yards of red hair
as I watched her.
and when she came to bed
she was more beautiful than ever
and the love was very very good.
eleven months.
now she's gone
gone as they go.
this time has finished me.
it's a long road back
and back to where?
the guy ahead of me
falls.
I step over him.
did she get him too?

A happy little home

I'm watching the letters stain my heart, each time it comes up. I'm wondering if there's been an explosion of you and them, all of them. If each time you leave you are pressing to another mans lips, if you're going to drink and if you tell them you want them.

You used to want me.

You used to want me.

Now i watch the smile fade from my face. Each time i let myself drift into what could have been.

And there's nobody here

to dry these fucking eyes.

And i keep saying "i wont forget you." Like i believe that you think the same

Like i believe, there is still a glimmer of hope.

How many games have i played? How many stories have i read?

Sometimes it works out, sometimes the guy gets the girl back. They live happily ever after. Like the transgressions have been rectified.

PRAY LORD JESUS~~!

i would, i would pray so fucking hard to that motherfucker

i would go to church, and stop creating spirits to do my bidding

and now i'm stuck in a bit of a position
because once everything is said and done
i'm not sure i'll be able to live

with

myself...

i thought i heard you come in the front door earlier

i actually said hello

it wasn't you

you won't come
 back to this
  destroyed
    but i'm rebuilding!
                                home............

Sorry sorry so...rr...yyyy

I thought i could have
should have
maybe i thought
i had the ability'

to not call you

to not tell you
to show you
to prove
to
you

I'm doing better
I'm turning into what you
I
Always wanted

It sucks
Like a thousand moments in
front of the sun
I
can't
stand the
pain

It was all my fault
and now you
wont let me
say
I'm sorry
I'm so
so
so
fucking
sorry

but it's too late
you've replaced me
does he live close?
Is he right around
the
corner

is he
better
than...

No, he's not better than me
He never will be
I...

I,,,

I, am so
sorry

One more chance
like asking for a 4 count
when 3 was for the winner

and my head reaches up from
the mat

a little
too
late..

But I'd do anything
anything,,,,
for one more
chance
to show you
I'm worthy
of everything
you always
thought I
was...

I
love
you
still

Not for your ears

Each day
I address
like a speaker in the house

"is today the day you say?"

and i slink back and write
a cowards sorry

although

sorry is not strong enough
a
word

Perhaps

Today is the day I say...

She said...

I wonder if she'll ever...
he said

come home?
she asked

Yes, if you'll ever..
He said.

Love you?
she asked.

Yes, if you'll ever...
he said

Try again?
she asked.

Yes, if you'll..
he said

No, I don't believe I will...
she said

Then kiss me good-bye
let the silent breeze
carry these tears
across your lips
and remember
I could have been
forever...

Birthday

Today...

Reminds me

of why

you

left..