Come spring

So, i crack this next beer and although i dont want it, i feel i need it. Not because i want it, i dont feel the need to finish this beer, but it's what im doing that requires it. I'm watching "Born Into This"-- if you don't know what that is, it's a pretty decent biography of Bukowski-- The Father. He's a madman, a man who refused to let the world to bring him down. I also relate to him on another way. He had a horrible young life, and although mine wasnt that bad, it was pretty bad family wise, but it wasnt that bad, but his acne made him who he was. I get that. I do.
Do you know what its like to be shunned by the entire clique of high school? too have the lonliness stare at you every second of every day?
 This world, the people we have grown, have no place to understand what comes of that. The hatred and bullyness has no love when thats all that there should be. This world will eat you alive if you give it the chance. These people will kill you if you let them bring the knife closer to your throat. It will knick you, right on the side of your neck, and then you will feel the blade of the pain, of years and years, of being an outcast. Do you think a knick on your throat hurts? it doesnt, it probably barely, well, you wont know, but i do, it barely feels like anything more than a kitten clawing at a plaything. You'll pick the kitten up a dozen times, knowing full well that it will claw at your neck almost every time.
but you pick it up.
you want to hold it, to coddle it
to love it.
its so adorable
its the thing that makes you feel
human again
it makes you feel like
you have a
                    heart
but its ruined time and time again
the cantos arent about you
they arent about
                          me
wait until spring
                        kid
because John would want
                                        you
                                                too

love is a dog from hell...

They tend to come
whether you want
                            them
or you
                        dont
its true
like the color of the
sky
or the truth
of the world
they
             come
especially when you find
one
                       always
one
they  can make all the
                                 pain
go away
fade away
like the wilting of a
                                flower
you've never even
                                seen
she can make it feel
like the most beautiful thing
in the
                                           world
these concepts are no longer
worth my time
because you will never
                                   pay the tab
of this
bill
it's too high
                               and this heart
beats
               on and on
on and on
               on and on
but it's not for
                        you
to feel
             is it?

like them

So now i want to listen
to only classical music
to artists
musicians
men of another color
one's how heard another beat
another slow rythum of
                                   difference
the beautiful embrace of
pianos
violins
bass'es
that
           stand up
within the cold standard
of how hard we die
day by
           day
we
             are
                       dying
with no remorse
for what we could
                            have
                                     been
without what these
tellers
have told
                      us
about how were supposed
to        
       be
               like
                          them

Red Lobster

I think maybe tomorrow
then again
maybe not cause of
work
maybe Wednesday
I'm off that day
so maybe on wednesday
i'll take the ferry
then the train
and another
                       train
i'll go back to where
grandpa and i
used to battle the fates
the God's screamed at me
then
           they
                    thought
                                 they
                                           could
beat
                  me
but they couldn't
at the end of the day
i'd buy the old man
a nice glass
of rum and a lobster
as we waited
for the
          fucking traffic
                                to

stop