Ok, so i now i havnt made an entry in awhile.. mass miscommunication... anyway, im making one now.. Im at work and man do i hate this place but thats neither here nor there. Since i do nothing but read and think all day, i suddenly had a thought i felt like sharing. if i go off on a bit of a rant here, well thats the point... I am so fucking sick and tired of playing this role that ive somehow found myself trapped in for like over 2 years now, i realized that ive been working on this book about women and such and all the stories are about nothing ever working out, so i was wondering what exactly the reason could be.. ive come toa conclusion that my whole "being the nice guy" to chicks is fucking useless.. it gets thrown in my face time and time and time again and ive yet to learn, well i think ive learned a thing or two finally.. gone are going to be the days of me not wanting to hurt feelings and actually caring, i think its time i join the ranks of the majority of the male population and just not give a fuck.. im gonna start caring about getting it out  and its simple as that.. next girl i find out at the bar, im not gonna be nice and friendly, im going to simply take the slut home and fuck till my hearts content, and then throw her the fuck out of my house.. and if the bitch is lucky, maybe ill call her in a week or so she can see me again.. this whole not playing games thing is total rubbish, women are so fucking stupid (sorry for those of you who are reading this that are women, actually nope im not sorry.. fuck you) that all they really want is to be treated like shit.. and they will say "no, no thats not what we want" yea well i believe more in seeing jesus in 5 minutes then i do in what they say.. hows that sound? so im officially turning myself into an emotional vampyre and a total fucking prick.. its not so hard, ive been a prick most of my life so im sure i can be an even worse one.. so to the next chick that i happen to run across watch the fuck out, because your gonna be the poor recipient who has to deal with me no longer giving a fuck... whats prompted this? too much... im fucking done.. done done done.. that and im going to get into more fist-fights... man do i really wanna punch somebody in the fucking mouth lately..  so to conclude.. from now on being nice is OUT and fucking, throwing away, and mistreating, and o yea fist-fights are in... im officially getting my wieght up.. fuck you....

so im trying to write this poem
something to cure this fever and pain
but the rain keeps pouring down
and theres no light for me to follow
and it wont come out the way i want it too
and i dont want to offend a reader
and im scared to fall again
but its too late
and im already on the fucking floor
im drinking to stay warm
and kill selected memories
nobody else really gives a shit
except this schitzo friend i call mine
he comes out after a few drinks
and begs for the perfect spring
and the perfect kiss
and the perfect girl
but then he kills her
and any chance for it to be alright
because he wants more of the same
misery and torture
its all his claim to fame
hes dying to be noticed
but wishing to be forgotten
shell forget
it was easy enought for them to learn
they all forget
they all refuse to forgive
cept one
but i killed her
that cunt asked for it
im never enough
and alwasy too sweet
well brush this painted bruise
off my broken face
your stalker hit me last nite
i tried to act tough
i tried to be something other then me
this dream in my brain wont go away
it came along a few nights ago
nobody was around to tell me not so
now its stuck and is breathing all my air
suffocating this glow in the dark
fucked up heart
im confused
was it really you?
did this have any meaning?
no no no
its a horrible ghost
of a vague fleeting hope
i made up to make myself feel better
to let atrocities go
commited felonies against my heart
someone needs to do some jail time
they all need to die
who should i start with?
you? or you? or how about the bringer of the first?
this sun rises and then it sets
im still waiting for the moon
and some rain to go have it wash away
these blood soaked hands
i tried to cut my own heart out
but it wasnt even there
i think someone else stole it
im gonna cut that bitch
when i find out who she was
im gonna shank her good
and then shove my dick in her mouth
and make her pay
thats really the only way
im sick of being the fucking servant
master and puppeteer is what i should be
too bad i cant cut these strings that keep getting pulled
and thier hands are molding a perfect speciman
for fools and lonliness
and deserted half truths
of promises ive never made to you
only a glimmer of patience
and a waver of speed
with time as the host
i accepted thee
the priest who gave that communion
must havce been in works with the devil
time wasted
so fucking god damn fucking cliche
it hurts to type
it hurts to breath
but this drink is soothing to the soul
it makes it numb
it makes me dumb
it makes me everything i can never be
something fancy
how precious
how curious
lets dance
so you can laugh
and make me the laughing stock of your jokes
everyone needs something
i need to find this heart
that was stolen
and shit
i know you need a good laugh
well its here
its waiting
for some more fucking littered streets
of a mind
dueling with left behinds
and batterd bruises
made by unforgiving words
they werent mine
they werent from these lips
that seem so poisoned
when the poisen hasnt passed them for a night
drink from this poison
how youve grown to cherish it
how youve slowly dehabilited me
this home doesnt seem the same
these drunken nights
fade and click
photos of somewhere i dont remember to have been
its irrelevant really
this is alll just a hoax
concocted by your schemeing
lets sail away
dissapearing
then you can throw me off the boat
and do us both a favor
with a whisper and a kiss
i thank you
for unlacing these eyes
they were dreaming
and inventing perfect situations
for a midnight kiss
a sensual tryst
and it echoes through
standing in a world
invented but inviting
i never got the invitation
must have been lost in the mail
scattered i clean your hair
velvet on this chest
it singes through
burns underneath
the endlessness of blue
this is all a horror
a horror of the truth,.,,,

Annointing this trembling throat
with a scented cure
for this poison that is ailing me
of fevers and dreams
with broken mirrors
and shitlaced screams
of foolish depravity
for things that werent meant to be
and dancing girls
entwine with lips locked
inviting another thats not me
and this wound is worn
blatantly on my sleeve
a timely fashion seemed proper
i wanted to change
everything you need
is nothing i can ever be
and this decaying liver
is getting more work
and im praying more
for rain
and to be something other then me
this cigarette is burning
and my lungs are filling
with liquor
stained with fleeting memories
the doctor said i had 34 days
you would be away for 33
and the one before was with the wolves
they never seem to go away
so sweet and innocent
lost with every hit i take
your face shone so bright
against the backdrop of the moon
and my hand cupped and ready
pathetic and thoughtfull
dropped to three knees
one to hold my own weight
and two for yours
started out broken
so quickly replaced
not up to par
too caring for the likes of
anyone
ill close the bar
and spit on the floor
it reminds me of what could have been
this morning it was clean
now its ridduled with dirt and grime
images of my soul
ill spit on that too
you dont know how it feels
and everything is never fine...

My dissillusioned thoughts flutter
across a memory thats no good for me
a thought held with upside down frowns
quickly changes to stares
focus on the blade
no need in trusting a heart
and there is no mind left to converse with
i waited for a sign from god
all i got was a nod from hell
now this rain beats on my window sills
and this phone rings with wonder
im not answering
and im not calling
im not talking
promises spoken in dead time
while i slept
broken cracked and shattered
like the peices of the mirror
stranded on the floor
this bloody fist
tastes like wine
of a sour kind

well im going to quit my go nowhere job soon and im going to spit in some cunts face when i do it... that where thats at... sometimes i wonder if this life is worth living.. i mean everything is an up and a down, but its always so far to each extreme...the only constants i have is the bottle and my misery and i keep them close by beacsue they are all i have...tomorrow i drop the bike off to be fixed.. if its more then $100 im fucked.. so lets get ready to get fucked folks... the script for my boy is late, my story is stil not done and she stil isnt calling.. but fuck her is the recent development.. so there.. too bad im a bad liar.. too bad i cant take the good things that get presented to me.. i have to make everything difficult.. the sun rises and the sun sets on an empty bed and a shallow heart... the bank tide flows and the sillouhette of a new face shimmers off the water.. it decays and hisses at every approach... every approach, wanted hours before, denied in a moments passing... i need a way to make a decenmt amouint of money, i need to get out of here.. Jaco, LA, fucking mexico.. i dont care anymore.. somewhere other \then here.. somewhere where nobody knows my name because its riddled with nothing but hurt, regret and sorrow for all who come close.. i dont want to drag anyone else down with me... im sorry..

what i need is a revolver with a single bullet to show the truth
a crowd echoes muttering sympathies
with visitation rights
stricken from the record
my world began to fall
you turned and ran
before miscomunicated presumptions
like ghosts mutter
and whisper like children
secrets the parents cant hear
dreams they will loose 16 years from now
i scream and shout the way i do
i just dont un-love the same as you
now i throw it all away
turn-coat
silver coated upside down
my four leaf clover
i burned you
torched, flamed, and decreed
the way i do
im scared
twilight gardens
hanging mist of fortunes past
and memories clinging like flies to shit
100 nights ive laid my head to sleep
99 ive dreampt
fingers slither
wrists shiver
and this body aches
like telegraphs with the good-bye message
it hovers over this dreary pillow
golden crusted
porcelian tears
make shift baby doll
smashed with a flick of a wrist
and a perfect hit
lips wet with excitement
all those things
i didnt mean a word
i meant it all
a liar in sheeps skin
a pussy in a man's clothing
soldier to a personal vietnam
brother to an only child
regret slides down my throat
welcome my friend!
its only been half a day
how ive missed you so
its been lonely without you
take it all away wont you?
just take it all away
this mind is not made up for two
seven sevens seven times in a row
jackpot
for you not me
forty-five and one
miles away from here
stories how i'd love to hear
7 feet under and there is no care
dead for a year
new birth equals new death
precious baby
left abandoned
haunted by words of make belive
and thoughts of skin
temple made of flesh
desacrated in days time
no space and time
no transendence
forget decadence
its faded
chilvary is dead
and mortal desires seem unwanted
delivery from a black winged bird
ive been crying
and she hasnt even been thinking
dear diary
dear diary
why am i so alone?
its just you and me
another night
another empty bottle
bleed me dry
razor sharp
denial
these lies arent made for one
the king of shit
remains
queenless
and waiting for the rain
to clean the kingdom
and let it begin again
i just wanna be home again
sweet unfiltered arms
and tender lips
the brow is never dry enough
and these cheeks are never pale enough
forever red with shame
and forever still this heart
nots beat
when i think of heaven
theres no thinking of me
id be in service
to a one and only queen
but ive been drinking
kissing the bottle
when i should have been kissing her
smashing mirrors
because they remind me
please let me in out of the rain...

upon request... 2 pages from the Saga that seems to never end... and my i say that after loosing full control last nite i just might be pulling everything together again.. now all i need is a good binder involving lots of booze and a casino.. any of you nice ladies want to sponser me? i cant promise a return on the money but im gonna try me best.... worst case scenario ill become your slave for a bit.... without further adu.. pages 20 n 21... enjoy people...

“So friggen what? So take care of this tonight and then you can try and patch things up with Guenivere at a later date. Why are you sweating this bitch so hard? She dissed you already, she’s not gonna fucking call you back either way. You know this, I know this, and Drew over here knows this. Just fucking realize it already, she wants nothing to do with you anymore. You fucked that one up, simple as that. And to top it all off, Guenivere isnt even half as hot as this bitch is.”
Those words rang through my head like a shotgun blast repeatedly going off. “You fucked that one up.” There was no getting around it, there was nothing i could do about it. I had ruined it with her and now it was over. Time and time again, whenever i found one that i really liked, i found a way to fuck it up. How could i do this again? I swore to myself that i wouldnt let this happen with her, this time around it was going to be the real thing. There is no real thing when it comes to affairs of the heart, just a lock of hair that you stare at everynight they aren’t there, and shattered glass everwhere because every mirror you see reminds you of her. A wave of depression came crashing down on me and covered me like a blanket of self-loathing.
Mary came back with two of her friends and everyone quickly introduced each other. I went from a not wanting to leave the house to a a big great fucking triple date party. All i wanted now was to get drunk and be left alone but it was far too late for that, only thing left to do was keep drinking until i died (or at least that was the plan). Satori and Drew without hesitation both picked one of her friends and paired up with them. On all normal accounts it would have been a perfect situation, Mary was gorgeous and both her friends were almost as hot as her. I finally got the prettiest one and i didn’t even want her was all i could think. I needed another drink already so i grabbed Mary and took her up to the bar with me.
“What do you want to drink?”
“Ummmm, just get me a Kronenberg.” Well at least this girl knew her beers.
I got our drinks and we went back to join the rest of the pack. Looking around everyone seemed so happy, everyone was smiling and laughing. I felt myself putting on the same face but i was dying inside, every fiber within me was screaming for notice. Every word that rolled off her tounge was a shot to my temple, a fistfull of pins and a pocket full of daggers. It was all just a reminder of Guenivere and how i would never get the girl. What was the point of even talking to Mary anyway? No matter what happened, im sure i would find a way to fuck it up eventually. I finished my drink in two hits and it was apparently decided to go to another bar.
I got outside and lit a cigarette, the first drag in that state is always the most fullfilling.
“Hey, can i have one of those?” She asked me.
“Sure sweetheart, but they are Marlboro red’s. I dont know if thats too strong for you.”
“Too strong for me? Hahaha, thats what i smoke silly. I figure that if your gonna smoke cigarettes then fuck you might as well smoke a real cigarette.”
“My sentiments exactly, to tell you the truth.”
“So are you ok and all? Do you not want us to hang out with you guys?”
“That’s kind out of nowhere. Why would you say something like that?”
“I dunno, it’s just you don’t really seem all that into me or anything thats going on right now.” This was my chance to just get rid of her and go somewhere else alone to keep drinking. She was giving me the oppurtunity and all i had to do was take it. I might have even been able to do it in such a way that didnt even hurt her feelings.
“I’m sorry, its just that you met me on a bad night i guess. I just have alot of shit on my mind so im kind of out of it. I wasn’t even going to come out but these guys insisted and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I am really having fun with you though, even if it doesnt look like it. Im definately glad i met you, so don’t worry.”
“So what’s on your mind then?”
“How about if i promise to not think about it for the rest of the night and then i’ll just tell you another time?”
“Ok, i’ll go along with that but your gonna have to tell me eventually.” She just smiled and put her arm around mine as we walked. What the fuck was i thinking? That was my out, now i have to pull it all together and i was already so drunk. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to keep her around, shit seemed cool enough there was only one problem. She wasn’t Guenivere. We walked inside and before i had a chance to order drinks the bartender walked over and handed me a Jameson. I got Mary a drink and we went over to the jukebox to play a few songs.
“So what do you wanna hear?”
“See if they have any “My Chemical Romance,” i really like them.”
“Really? That’s crazy cuz they are one of my favorite bands right now. It’s nice to see you have good taste in music.”
“That’s not all i have good taste in.” She said as she leaned over to kiss me and i realized i was trapped. If i didn’t kiss her back then i would be scarred from ever talking to her again (even though i kept telling myself that i didnt care but alas a beautifull woman is hard to pass up) but if i kissed her then deal would be signed and sealed. I was too drunk to even care anymore and she was too beautifull to say no. I accepted her kiss and leaned foward having her lips meet mine. Her lips felt so soft and to my surprise she was an amazing kisser. There is nothing worse then kissing a girl for the first time to find out that she has no idea what the fuck she is doing. There have been many a girls where thier first kiss was also their last for this reason alone. You can’t teach someone to bea good kisser either, i tried once and it failed miserably.
When we finally pulled back from each other i looked straight at her and she was biting the side of her lip. I knew full well what this meant because i found myself doing everytime i kissed Guenivere. She was into me and mine if all i would do was what i should have done right at that moment. I lacked the guster and the get go, i lacked the desire because my artiries were blocked with clots of Guenivere. I was choking on love that hadn’t even had a chance to materialize, i was suffocating myself without acknowledgeing it.
“What’s that face all about?” I asked her.
“Nothing, its just that i want another one of those already.” God she had such a cute smile, i was starting to get entranced in her eyes when i felt a pitchfork poke me in the right side of my face. That bastard devil who sits there was reminding me of Guenivere and refused to let it go. I had no choice but to listen to him, he was right again. I drained my drink and felt myself slip over that edge of drunk and too drunk. Trying to keep some sort of focus was almost impossible. I sat there with her doing my best to keep composure and slowly sipping my next drink. She was beyond drunk herself but i seriously doubted if she was anywhere near the level i had attained.
.

dont u want more???

if your of the female race then you should die... high skool games where cool 7 years ago but now im too crazy and this is too real.. its too late to be gracious, you really dont warrant long good-byes but i wouldnt mind if you called too late cuz i woulod still answer... and im afraid of americans, and im afraid of me... im afraid... so im going to go the bar and get an ego rub....... maybe theres someone better out there, or maybe the truth hurts too much because jesus hates me and theres nothing mroe too it.... i cant help it, the ruiner follows me hiding in my shadows making a mockery of everything i stand for. whos got he hard drugs? im looking... and im starving, starving for something real, something more then what i hace... something i lost, something i lost,, guenivere.. such a pretty name.., too bad i gaveit too such a cunt... die die die die,. your reading this?> yea you can die too... ill comb my hair back and i want pussy and cars... im an american....

In this hanging garden
the flowers wither and decay
pixie dust not enough of a remedy
brutality and viciousness
we dance like lovers
loathing each other
while begging for another note
to stand handless
loveless tonight
i'll fall asleep
visions of masqueraded balls
and quaint disguises
hiding shame of disgrace
marked by smiles
and tender lips
skinned to be all thats left
a ghost of nights so easily forgotten
make a tourniquet
there's no stopping this bleeding
slit throat
and the blade is clutched in your fist
reminder of something youve never seen
perfect day
sunshine daydream
opputune time to sever ties
promises are nothing more then breaths
mistaken for meaning
and i swore i would die for you
just not like this
and i swore i would lay down all vices
now ive picked up my worst
hours pass
and days seem to fade
without a notice
i'm just thinking about spilling blood
not the precious kind
but the insignificant
mine
would look so good soaking in your sheets
with four pillows
covering a body not made for light
shadows flicker like a catipiller
saving memories
mental inconstincies
and the right side of this bed is shallow
one foot down seems just right
yet its filled with emtpy dreams
fucking close my eyes
not this night
i will never sleep again
the hook on the ceiling seems so nostalgic
4 feet of rope
would look like it belonged
with dangling feet
and fingers pressed together in prayer
that the door will open
and ill be found there.....

its almost 11 on friday night and i cant get drunk let alone that im not where i wish i was at all.. desire is the fruit of all depression and i really dont like fruit...

Snow is falling on the desert sky
Barren it slopes further down
Trickling and sliding
slithering with a venimous smile
etched perfectly into my dreams
like a storyboard planned
it was all ready to be filmed
cancelled
funds recalled
and answers nowhere to be heard
without a sound
i fashion the answer for it all
and you dont notice
or care
what if i put this to your head?
and dared to turn the trigger
to its true owner
anything for bloodshed.....

Ive decided to open the floodgates once again... Im trying dont you know? Due to circurmstances out of my hands ive had the need to loose it and do this again... i know its been a good while since ive posted as most of you know but here it goes again.. as most of you who know me well know, this thing was my downfall about one year ago this time, and i figure since my face is once again kissing pavement and the heart is bleeding from the sleeve, i might as well go another round with it.. WARNING!!!!!!!!! this will offend a great many of you (as it has done in the past, mainly all you simple minded, half a woman, stupid fucking, self defacating females...) sorry for the tangent but this thing has cost me some great things but im back to not caring and kissing the bottle more then ever.. yea, i had opened the doors and wound up falling inbetween one as it crushed my skull repeatedly so im back to just kissing the bottle.. my only true friend.. so there will be posts almost every day and i promise they will be just as good as the old ones.. im also going to leave snipets of my stories on here for u to see.. the one im working on now is shaping up to be the most emotional and best one yet.. too bad each word i write chips a piece of my soul away but hey, its all for the story, right? well without further adu here is the piece i promised.. the title of this one is tentitvly called "the only broken hearted looser nobody will ever need" or "just please slit my throat now".. im not quite sure cuz they both kind of fit.. heres a piece from the middle.. enjoy and as always... AIM= Hiddenlie and email is HiddenLie@hotmail.com so hit me up with some feedback... before i pull this trigger i just want to look in your eyes one more time, and as my blood spills on your floor ill take off my shirt to soak it up....

“Well that’s good to know i guess.” I took a nice long hit and finished off about a half a beer in one gulp. I was going to need as much alcohol as i could get into my system before they got here. I cracked another one and drained it to perfection in about 3 minutes. Most of the girls went inside as i sat talking to one of her friends when we both realized that they had showed up. We decided that we should go in and say hello so i drained another one real quick, took a deep breath and made my way inside.
“Ohh so your the new boyfriend huh?” Her father imediately said to me.
“Hahaha, well see about that.”
“No hahaha, well see. I heard your the new boyfriend.”
I just smiled at him without much to say. I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries and offend him before i had gained his respect. Gunivere’s cat had become pregnant and her parents were discussing what the kittens were going to be.
“I hope its a boy. Since im apparently not getting grandkids for awhile, i want this thing to have boys.”
Not getting grandkids for awhile! Was this man out of his fucking mind! I wasn’t prepared to father a child. I was having enough trouble taking care of my own fucked up self, let alone bring a child into this world.
“You hear me Aidain? It better be a boy when it comes down to it.” He said to me as he pointed his bony ass finger towards me.
“Hey, do you think i wanna have a girl? Fuck now, my first kid better be a boy” I shot back at him, hoping that it would work. He looked at me for a second and started laughing as he tilted his head towards his wife.
“I like this guy! He’s alright in my book.” I had done it, i had gained some respect from him just like that. After that i was in the clear and anything we said to each other was with at least a tidbit of respect. He still busted my balls whenver he got the chance but at least now i knew he had some respect for me. When they left, he shook my hand and made his departure.
“You did good baby, i think my father likes you.” She leaned over and kissed me as i let out a sigh of relief. It was over and it went off without a problem. Gaining the respect of a girls father wasn’t always the easiest thing to acomplish but i had the feeling that me and him were going to get along just fine. We let the night wind down without much more of importance going on. I had slowed down on my drinking due to the fact that i had so much to do tomorrow but she kept at it like a champ. I know it was horrible to like that in her but i couldnt help it. I liked to dink alot, so i needed a woman who could endorse that and keep up with me when i did it. I kept thinking that everything was turning up Aidan.
We got into bed and talked for what seemed to be hours about things that had no importance on the outside world. I learned how much she already liked me. I learned a bit about her troubled past with guys. When i complimented on how beautiful she looked tonight, she started to freak out on me.
“Stop that. You don’t have to say things like that.”
“I know that i dont have to say anything of the sort. I want to say that too you, because thats how i feel. I mean look at you, i’m so lucky to be laying here next to you. I’m sure theres a ton of guys out there dying for this oppurtunity right now.”
“I don’t think you understand. Boy’s dont like me. I really can’t remember the last time that i had a cute boy hit on me.”
“Your out of your cotten picking mind right now. Are you kidding me? If i seen you in a bar, i would be all over you. I probably wouldnt even waste any time in fear that someone else would get to you before me.”
“Seriously your too sweet. Damn, i want you right now. I still think we should wait alittle while before we sleep together though. I dont want to rush into this.”
“I know babe, its just fine with me. As far as i see it, theres going to be plenty of time for that to come.”
“That’s so true, but i just want you now. No, were going to wait. You need 3 legitimate dates before we do anything.”
“So is this number two? Considering last night was supposed to be a date and all,”
“Nope but well see if we can’t work out some sort of substitution for you.”
I just leaned over and kissed her good-night as she laid her head upon my naked chest. Her hair felt like velvet on my skin, and her skin felt like satin as she pressed it up against mine. Another night i fell asleep making the angels jealous.

OK so i know its been awhile... but heres the good news, im writing again. I wrote this story here last nite. I know its not that good, so please be easy. I wrote it leavign out alot of texture and such because i could have been going on for hours and i wanted to get it out while i could. so anyway here it is... if you decide to read this then u must send me a message at HiddenLie on AIM and let me know what u think.. seriously, im putting this shit out here, at least give me some feedback... thanks...

"New Beginnings"

I had just finished moving in, and began staring around the room looking for my next move. I decided that I should start unpacking all these boxes but first i made myself a nice drink. I drank it down quickly and started on the next one. I hated moving into a new place, all that packing and unpacking. You had to rearange all your shit and realize that there was no need for even having half of it. I found one good room in the place, there was a desk set up at the window, it was a nice old one too. I figured i could set up my typewriter there. I had gotten everything in order in about no time seeing as how i didn’t have much else to do. The bottle was beginning to run low and i felt like i might as well venture out of the house on my first night there. I had seen this dive bar that was a round the corner when i was moving everything in. I drained my drink, took some of the little money i had left and went on my way.
When i opened the door i felt at home right away. The place was dark and musty, with a few old guys sitting at the bar staring down their drinks. Some men go to the bar to celebrate but the fortunate few go and sit there to forget. They want to forget their wives, girlfriends, dead end jobs, and life in its fullest. The place smelled like piss and i almost began to gag before i got used to it. I pulled up a seat and got the bartender’s attention. “I’ll take a Jameson on the rocks please.” She turned around and i got a good look at her ass, it was almost perfect the way it shifted as she walked to the end of the bar to find my bottle. As she walked back towards me i could see her in full, and wanted to get a piece of her. It had been awhile and she seemed like the perfect fit to what i needed. She had a small chest but her face made up for the things she was lacking. She seemed almost innocent, like she didnt belong in a place like this. She handed me my drink and asked for $6 dollars. The price seemed high, but she had poured me a good one. I drank it down quickly and asked for another.
I looked around the room at all the sorry son of bitches that were sitting around me. This one guy seemed as if his old woman had just left him. He just sat there looking at his drink as if it was all he had left to himself. For a moment i felt for him. Women can do horrible things to men. Good men too, they always get it the worst. I bet you he adored her every move and gave her everything he could that was in his power. That is never enough, they never like it much when you truly love them. Some rat bastard had most likely come along and treated her like shit (they always love that) , he probably fucked with her head till eventually she caved and gave into him. Now this poor guy had nothing left but that drink in front of him, at least he had that. I called the bartender over again.
“I’ll take a bottle of beer and a shot of whiskey please.” She looked at me with an awkward grin.
“I’ve never seen you before, have you ever been here before?”
“No, i just moved back into town and this is the closest bar to my place, so i figured i could get a good drink here.” Her eyes seemed to widen as i spoke and i knew that she wanted to pay attention to my words for some reason. I was the youngest guy in the place, most likely somewhere near her age. I might have also been the best looking depending on her taste. She had to have a boyfriend though, she was too good looking of a woman. That’s always the problem with the good looking ones, they are never alone too long. You have to get the good looking ones when the timing is right. Right after they have broken up with thier boyfriends and are eager for something new. I could see in her eyes that something wasn’t right though. Somehow inside she was all fucked up. “How about those drinks? And pour yourself one too while your at it.”
“Why thank you, i’m not really supposed to drink while i work but i guess i can make an exception just this once.” She said as she shot me a devishly cute smile. She turned and i took another look at her ass. Man, what an ass she had. I started to invision myself getting behind her and pounding away like a man at work. When you go to bed with a woman with an ass like that you must take it like a job. IT is your job to pound it good because thats why its there. I could almost hear her screaming for more as she turned around and poured the two shots. I took a drink of my beer and looked at her one more time. I grabbed one of the shots and gave it to her (I’ve often felt that being a gentleman can pay off, it never really took much. All you had to do was have some common courtesy and extend it to them as best you could.) as she reached across and brushed my hand for a moment.
“Well, what should we drink too?” she asked.
“How about new beginning’s, seeing as how i just moved back here.” I was laying it out there for her. The booze was starting to kick in and i wanted to hook her good before i got too bad.That was often the best way of action, you had to hook them into you real good before you started to get beyond control. Women were not easy to get ahold of when you were too drunk to even understand their name. If you were fortunate to get thier attention and through all the formalities before you hit that point then you were almost golden. I wanted to be golden tonight baby, i needed to start off the new adventure right and she was going to be it.
“New beginning’s sounds good to me” We put up our glasses and clicked them together as we smiled to each other. It went down well, and she even took some of my beer to chase it down. She was getting comfortable with me and i noticed it. She walked away to help to another customer. A few of them were paying attention to what was goin on and they were jealous of it all. I could see it in one of thier eyes. He had obviously had his gaze on her but not made his move for whatever reason. He looked at me with this anger and i just looked back saying to him with my gestures “Whatever mother, its too late for you now. She’s gonna be mine.” She quickly came back to talk to me.
“Pour us two more baby! This is a good reason to celebrate.”
“Yes sir!” she said as she turned around for the next round. I got another look at that ass of her’s and started to get excited. I started to undress her with my mind. I bet she’s wearing a nice lace g-string under there, i said to myself. She was just wearing a tang-top but you could see her bra straps that were on the side of it. Blue. I often liked blue bra’s for some reason. Maybe because my old ex used to wear a blue bra that i fancied. The off colour seemed to add a bit something to thier appeal. I bet she would knew what to do when i got her home too. She seemed like the kind who knew what she wanted and she wanted it good. I was going to ride her good tonight too, she knew it.
“Just give me $3 bucks for this round, the rest is on me.” I politely handed her a ten and told her to keep it. I didn’t mind paying for some ass this way. I could never pay a prostitute even though its the same thing. Whether you pay them just for the sex or you pay for their meal and drinks all night, either way your paying. “So what’s your name anyway?” she asked. I was never good with asking people their names, i guess it was because i never really cared much. I didn’t need to know your name, the conversationg was enough.
“Charlie” I said to her.
“Well I’m Christine, nice to meet you Charlie” I extended my hand to shake hers, but it was only to touch her again. I wanted to feel her skin and see if she recieved it well. She took my hand, shook it and gently rubbed her fingers across my palm.
“So what time do you close up shop here?” It was already 2:30 and i knew that they probably closed at 4am but i had to ask. It was a good question to start it going.
“Well we close at 4 but i can close it up earlier if i want. It depends how busy it is in here.” I looked around and there wasn’t that many people left. All i could see where the few sad bastards sitting at the bar and a little couple in the corner going at each other. “I can close it up early if i really wanted too.” She said.
“Get us another beer and shot will you baby”
“Sure, but how about two shots this time? I’ll buy the other two.”
“Sounds good to me” i said as i really began to like my situation. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom, have that ready when i get back.” I got up and made my way to the pisser. Damn beer, i thought to myself. It always makes me piss too much. I walked into the bathroom and began to piss when one of the sad son-of-a-bitches walked in behind me.
“Listen buddy, i’ve notice what’s goin on over there. I just want to let you know that there’s this big guy who comes in once in awhile and they get all sweet on each other. I don’t know if its the best move for you to keep up with what your after.”
“I don’t give a fuck who anyone is guy. He’s not her right now is he? And you know what? If he was here, i wouldn’t give a fuck. Me and him can go outside and dance in the pale moonlight if you know what i’m saying.”
“Listen man, your new here. You don’t know who that guy is. He’s a pretty important guy around here, you don’t fuck with his women. Everybody knows this.”
“Well thanks for the heads up but i got one for you. There’s a new dog in town baby, and i dont give two fucks about who this dude thinks he is. She wants me tonight, and lord knows shes gonna get a ride from me tonight.”
“Well good luck to you then friend, just don’t forget i told you so.” I finished my piss, shaked off and went on my way. I walked back to the bar and i felt all thier jealous eyes on me, i didn’t give a shit. Tonight was my night baby, my first night back and i was gonna have a good one. I got back to my seat and situated myself just right. She was helping another customer and i got some good looks at her ass. I felt myself getting excited again, at just the thought of that ass.
“You ready for these shots there Charlie?”
“I was born ready sweetheart.” I told her as i motioned across and rubbed the back of her hand. She was mine and i knew it. We drank our shots and i ordered one more round. Again i tipped her heavy, i wanted to pretend like i was somewhat of a nice guy. I wanted her to want me even though i knew i already had her. “So what are you doing after you get out of here?” I asked waiting for the open opportunity. “I bet you have a nice good man to go home too, being the pretty lady that you are.”
“Hahahaha” she laughed as i began to smirk. “Nope, i dont have a boyfriend. I had one for a long time but he was a dick and i caught him cheating on me one night. I’m sick of all the head games that some guys play, they are too childish to tell a girl just how it is.”
“Cheating on you? Baby i would never cheat on you. If you were my woman i would never even want to go to work. All i would want to do is stay home and give it to you good. I could give it to you good too, i dont look like much but baby i can make bring the walls down.” The booze was really starting to kick in, i didn’t pay much attention to it all. I was just hoping that it was going to work.
“Could you now? I’m not so sure about that one there. How can i be sure that i wont be dissapointed? I dont like to be dissapointed you know.”
“Dissapointed? Baby i’ll ride you good. Might just be the best ride you’ve ever had. Listen, why don’t you call last call here? I’ll help you close up shop and we can head around the corner to my place. I’ve got a 5th of whiskey there. Secret stash but i’ll break it out for you. We can drink, make love, and smoke cigarettes till the sun comes up. How about it?”
“How can i know that your not gonna do something real bad to me when you get me up in your apartment all alone? I don’t need you getting all crazy on me”
“Baby the only bad things im gonna do to you, are the things your gonna thank me for in the morning. C’mon, i don’t offer to break out the secret stash for everyone you know. I like you though, you have that certain something about you.”
“Yea huh? You really think so?”
“Yea baby, its in the way you walk. You walk like your royalty. I really dig it.”
“Ok then, i’ll give you your chance. LAST CALL!!!” I watched her walk away and make the last drinks as they all shot their eyes across towards me. They knew i had her tonight and she was mine. They had all walked in the same way i did, but none of them had a chance and they knew it. They hated me but i was envious of them, in all thier misery. I wanted a piece of what they felt. Pure unwanting jealous misery, of life they wish they had and woman they wish they could ride. I ordered another round for the two of us. I started to tell myselg to slow down old chap, i needed to make sure i could get it up for her. A few more too many and i was going to become useless to her, i couldn’t have that. I wanted to give her a good ride, and fuck, i wanted to get me a good ride. They all ordered thier last drinks and sipped them slowly.
“THAT’S IT BOYS! DOWN THOSE DRINKS! THE LADY WANTS TO GET OUT OF HERE!” I started to scream at them out of impateince.
“Easy, let them have thier drinks. Its thier last ones, we will be out of here in no time.” She said to me.
“Ok baby, i’ll relax. But only for you. I’d rather get up and make them finish so we can clean up and get out of here.” I wanted to find the first dumb bastard who thought he was tough and take him out to the back alley. I was feeling good. I wanted to belt one of them real nice and let them know who was back in town. She wanted me calm though, and i didn’t want to fuck this one up so i relaxed. I sipped at my beer thinking about that beautifull ass and the 5th i had hidden in the new apartment. They all eventually began getting up one by one and left to go back to thier miserable lives. I again felt for some of them, what had they done to look so bad. I wanted to let them know that it could be alright, but i just sat there watching her. Alright old boy, your gonna get her. Make sure you do this one right. The last ones to leave was the little couple that had been sitting in the corner. The guy walked over to the bar and threw down a $20 dollar bill.
“Thank you very much.” He said to her.
“Hey buddy” I said as i turned to him.
“Yea, what’s up?” He promptly asked.
“Nothing man, I just wanted to wish you and your girl a good night. I hope you too have fun tonight.” I shook his had and pulled him in close. “Give her a good ride tonight brother, let her know you love her.” He just laughed as he shook my hand tighter. He turned, grabbed his woman by the hand and made his exit as he shot back.
“Thank you man, i hope you do the same brother. Have a good fucking night.” I just smiled and felt well for a moment there. Sometimes i liked my fellow man. Most of the time i wanted them to all die but sometimes i would be happy for them. This guy seemed worth it. He spent all night in the corner with is woman drinking and laughing. You could see they loved each other and somehow it didn’t sicken me. Maybe it was because i knew i was going to get it out later on, but i genuinely meant what i said to him. After they left i jumped over the bar and grabbed my sweet Christine. I kissed her good too, full on tounge. I could tell she liked it as she grabbed at my hips and pulled me closer. I let one hand lay across her left cheek (woman went crazy for this for some reason, if you brushed thier cheek when you kissed them good they would start to get week in the knees and i knew it) as i pushed up against her and pressed hard. I poured myself a tap beer and just smiled at her.
“Let’s get this place cleaned up and go home baby,” I told her as we both started to wipe everything down. We finished up real quick and before we left she poured us both another shot. I raised my glass and toasted to new beginnings. It went down real smooth, as she turned around to cleap up the floor. I took one more look at that ass of hers and knew i was going to fuck it into a perfect shape. An ass like that didn’t come around to a man too often and i knew it. We finished our drinks and closed the place up. I lit her cigarette before i lit mine when we got outside. We walked the half a block to my apartment as i fumbled for the keys. I opened the door for her and took a good drag from my cigerette as i said to her, “It’s a beautifull night, huh baby?”